You're a #@%^%&*!

What swear word could possibly be that long?! Oh, I just thought of one, but then it would be "an" instead of "a." I digress. It's not a swear word. First of all, thank you to my lovely commenters/confidantes who have complimented my weight loss. I now weigh what I did when I was 21, which is the lowest weight in my entire adult life. That said, I don't look how I looked at 21, but whatevs. Another 10.5 pounds and I will be at my (healthy) goal-for-life weight. And this means I've lost 26.5 pounds total so far. Good, right? Workin' it toward health, right?

So as my sweet little boy sat on the toilet the other day, I stood at the door holding my sweet little girl and talking to my mom. My shirt was riding up to expose my stomach, and he exclaimed with utter jubilation and a finger pointed and a gaze toward my stomach:

"Mama! You're a SNOWMAN!!!!!" (Insert hysterical laughter.)

Now, lest you think he was referring to anything besides my stomach (pillow pet?), let me tell you that this was not the first time. A few days before, he had poked my side fat as I slouched in the chair next to him and said the same thing, though less emphatically. I asked why, hoping that something other than my midsection had brought him to this conclusion. He said, "because you're made of snow." Ok; I'll take it.

Well now it was clear. Again, thank goodness that I am resilient and have good self-esteem. My mom and I had to duck away into the hallway to hide our laughter.

Apparently the toilet is a throne of judgement from which one can both poop and insult the one who made, baked, birthed, nursed, nourished and whateverelsed them!

Watch out, Mas! That's no caring Mama reading to you! It's a SNOWMAN!!!

Writer's note: He didn't actually say this as an insult. He really was quite amused. We're not yet to the age where these things come out as insults.

In an effort . . .

to be authentic, to be real, to be a representation of what's really out there in the parenting world, I will share:

I am discouraged today and feeling a little sad. Today is the kind of day where nothing seems to go right. I have cleaned scrubbed giant puddles of pee off the bathroom floor twice. (One of us is learning to pee standing up, and Imperfect Parents didn't get a second low stool for the downstairs bathroom.) I have been pulled out of a workout at a new gym because both kids were losing it. Mas never does that! Well maybe he does when he gets out of his bed 15 times between being put down and Mama coming to terms with the fact that he is just not going to get enough sleep tonight. I received a lunchdate/help cancellation because Superdad had to stay at work today because life explodes there too. So I went over the edge because I'm so desperate to have just a little time to myself and/or to have things go smoothly for longer than 15 minutes. Still, how can you lose it at these two?

But I do, and I did, and now I'm settling into the wonderful (truly!) parenting class that we have been meaning to complete for months now. It brings hope for me and them.

I want to share this with you because the polite and rose-colored representations are far too great in number out there. If you look online, you see nothing but the positive represented . . . or the extreme negative of abuse and neglect. There are two peripheral people in my life whose pictures I'd love to show, but I don't want to offend anyone. They both drip with creativity, at the very least. They are the mothers whose online representations could make someone feel TERRIBLE! I am so thankful that I don't take myself too seriously and that I am a confident person because I could be ripped to shreds looking at their stuff. Honestly, one seems to live in a rainbow. The kids' eyes are the color of the ocean in every picture, and they seem to dance whimsically around in a pot of gold at the end of their rainbow. The other has creative, cheap, organized craft projects for just about everything. Parenthood is a barrel of monkeys, indeed.

Superdad just read an article about how Facebook and online everything is bad for women's self-esteem because everyone puts their happiest, most "I'm-ok" pictures and words out there. I get it! I applaud these moms for their energy and creativity, and I am a bit envious, but surely there are flaws there too, right?

Life happens, and sometimes it's good, and sometimes it's bad. It's, oddly, our challenge to enjoy it. Maybe your daughter turns one, and she's sick, and you forget to wash the tablecloth for her birthday dinner. Maybe you didn't bother putting a nice outfit on yourself or a birthday outfit on her. OK, let's be honest: maybe you let her wear one sock, one leggie, underwear, and an old shirt for her birthday dinner.

But it's ok because you made a super-hippie cake with her brother that she liked a lot. (See video below.)

The comedian Louis CK said, "everything is amazing, and no one's happy." So I'm going to be happy! It's proving to be a journey, but I am doing everything in my power to enjoy it.

I'm here to expose my gaps in knowledge, my lack of patience (which I'm trying to grow), my underbelly (swear Shaifali called my stomach "pillow pet" the other day), my vast imperfections. I hope that it is helpful to everyone, parent or not, to have someone show the other side of life--and also to show that improvements happen with hard work and dedication. Thank you for being here!!!!!!

Happy Birthday to My Girls!

One is one; the other is seven.

One had her birthday on the 5th; the other had her (golden!) birthday on the 7th.

One is human; the other thinks she is but is actually canine.

Neither has very much hair.

Happy birthday to Shaifali--a girl whose smile lights up a room, whose laugh brings joy into all our hearts. You are a darling girl who says so many, many words--over 50 by our count. Thank you for being a funny and smart and delightful little lady.

Happy birthday to Momo--we're so glad that you chose us to be your family. You are a wonderful snuggler and an appreciative eater. You make us laugh with how human you seem--so assertive and demanding and loving and communicative. Please live to be 100 in human years.

I love my girls. Happy birthdays.

Note: This is a video of Shaifali and Momo. If you cannot view it, please go to the original post. :)