Great Expectations

No, silly, I haven't had time to read a novel. I'm just trying to be witty in my title today.

My little 2-and-a-half-year-old boy is a wonder. There is a note that I wrote on the refrigerator that says"good, sweet, polite, happy." Miss Julie, Mas' teacher, said that about him when we routinely asked how he was at school. She said that that day was as every other day--that he was good, sweet, polite, and happy. That is what every parent wants to hear about their child; it is the reassurance that we're doing a good enough job that our kid is successful (in all the important ways) out there in the world without us. Bear in mind that this was a few months ago, in the hardest of times.

He is all that and more. He is extremely intelligent and witty and funny and creative and, and, and. So many ands that I forget sometimes that he is still 2 and a half.

We've been working to make him emotionally intelligent too. (Stay with me and don't give in to the blah-blah-blah that this may sound like to you.) We've been trying to stay calm and to teach him how to express his emotions in ways other than screaming or hitting or crying. This is not to say that we forbid him from crying, but we try to have him take deep breaths and to use his words to tell us what's going on for him.

We have found the most wonderful babysitter, and she has spent a few hours each day this week here with us. Mas and Shaifali both adore her, and I trust her absolutely with my kids, both in terms of their safety and their mental stimulation/fun times. Mas has been so happy lately that I've been "letting" him stay up past his naptime. So why then am I surprised when he loses the ability to use his words and ends up screaming at Kenzie and/or me? My expectation of him holding it together when he's so tired is just ridiculous. It's just that he's so good and happy that I am tricked into a false sense of security, and I think he's better than most 2-year-olds (and better than most adults).

Another example: I got frustrated when he would not for the life of him pay attention to me when doing a puzzle earlier. I was teaching him about corners, saying that they have two straight edges. Then I'd ask him, "so what's it called when there are two straight edges?" "Ahhhh . . . a little mouse!" (There was a mouse on the corner piece.) "Yes, there's a mouse on it, but what's this kind of piece called? It's called a corner. What's it called?" "A eklsjfeio!" "Huh? No, a corner."

You can imagine the rest of the conversation.

So then I got on my huffy bike and rode away (thank you Jim Brown for that phrase) into the bedroom to be upset that he wouldn't listen to me. For goodness sake, he's 2 and a half! And he is really one of the kindest, most thoughtful, and smartypantsiest little dudes I know. So lay off, Mama! Lower those expectations and take time to appreciate that you have the wonderful kids you have.

Author's note: I have, from the beginning, tried to lower my expectation of "goodness" for Shaifali, as she is such an easygoing baby. I have given her full permission to be needy and demanding at times, as she grows up. Superdad and I have talked about how we need to make sure she gets her needs met even if she's not pushing them right in our faces. So when she was fussy today, I did acknowledge that she was just doing what I asked. I blame an unseen tooth anyway . . .