Since You've Been Gone

Since I've been gone, really . . .

I've done some things right.

I made a gnome costume for Mas! We also successfully avoided his having any candy. He traded it in for a blueberry scone and a basket of grape tomatoes from the farmers market in addition to grapes, a kiwi, and two fruit leathers from the store.

I somewhat recently nursed Shaifali while she was on the toilet because she was crying and crying during what may have been a painful poop. How silly and uncomfortable did I feel crouched in the corner of a half bathroom with my breast out while my medium-sized infant sat on the toilet?!

After an awful night last night, I managed to get through the day with everyone's sanity and happiness more or less intact. It is only 4:30 pm, so I suppose there's still room (and I'm probably jinxing myself), but instead of having a big ol' power struggle about Mas' getting back to sleep after a too-short nap, I told him that quiet time was necessary even if he didn't sleep. He's been reading books and playing with toys quietly since. He did detour two minutes ago to come in here to tell me that he wanted to give me a hug and a kiss, followed by, "I love you so, so much." That's one distraction I will for sure allow. If there were video cameras in the house last night, you'd see why this is such a big deal, but thank goodness there aren't.

I borrowed our friends' two-kid stroller so that we could take a long walk a few days ago. This was a day when I was going crazy/to the bad place they were just keeping each other awake during nap, Shaifali saying "brah, brah" (brother) and Mas being easily led into silly shenanigans. I decided to cut my losses and take them on a nice walk so that they would be tired enough for a nice nap when we got home, even if it was later than usual. Plus, it helped me a ton.

I've done some things wrong.

I screamed again. (Insert long, dramatic, shameful pause.) And I swore at Mas for the first time since he was too young to even pay attention to me. I hardly ever ever swear around him, let alone at him. It was a new low.

I've been reduced to a pile of sobbing person on the floor of the closet.

I've let my anger get the best of me.

I've slipped on my calorie counting, thus stalling my work toward health.

I've so far failed at my week-long quest to quit the tele. We don't even have a tv, but we watch things online. I realize that I am addicted and am wasting my life, even if I'm watching the best quality shows (with some guilty pleasures thrown in). How is it that I have so very little time but manage to watch so much? Tips on quitting are welcome.

I've learned some things too.

If you're ever in need of a therapy session and are in a pinch as far as time and/or ability to get out of the house are concerned, there is a pretty awesome resource.

This too shall pass. It's not the first time I've learned this. And it won't be the last.

Sometimes, even after you've given up on them, people come back or come through. I had a wonderful soul mate kind of friend who I met now almost eight years ago. I hadn't heard from her in over three years! I had pretty much given up hope as I had left messages and not heard back, and she had left her job where she received her mail and email. Let me paint just how meant to be this friendship was: we met filling out applications for a serving position in Boston. I must have liked her energy and started talking to her. Over the next several weeks of job-hunting, I kept wishing that I had gotten her contact info because I really felt we were meant to be friends. I really disliked Boston and needed the few jewels I could find. "Oh well," I thought. "Next time." When I started the first day of training at a new job (probably a month after we had met), the trainers were saying, "Lorna won't be here until tomorrow." No way could it be her, though it was a huge coincidence with a name like that. I walked into the second day of training to see her sitting across the table from me. We just jumped right into excited conversation and had both had the same feeling after meeting each other. Long story short, she called me at 12:30 am her time the other night! I couldn't believe it! She said she has been thinking about me so much, and I've been in her dreams, and she never stopped loving me, even though she dropped off the face of the planet. Old friends reemerging is one of my happiest happenings.

Lastly, even though I do things wrong sometimes, my kids are going to be ok. I love my kids to pieces and try really hard to help them become the best, happiest, most loving and fulfilled people they can be. Again, it's a lesson sure to be learned repeatedly, but it's a good one. Until next time, friends . . .